Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
