so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
