me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
