i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
