her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
