we're chasing vodka with high fives
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
