Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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