Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
