I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
