HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
