is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
