Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
