and you said cock pushups were impossible
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
