it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
two words: eviction party
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
