During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
