careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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