I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
birth control should be required to get into college
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
