apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
