oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
