I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
