I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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