So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
