Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
