Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
