New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
