So drunk its hurt
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
