Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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