dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
