My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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