smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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