He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
