So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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