I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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