Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
