guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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