I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
This is not my ceiling
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
