Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
