She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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