I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
