did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
