I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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