So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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