Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
