I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
