Already got asked if we're dating
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
