just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
