im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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