I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
