Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
