She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
