U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
