Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
