how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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