I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
